Goal:

I saw this and thought of you.

I was thinking of you, and I saw this. It made me miss you even more.

What happened to us?

You're making it so easy for me to walk away. I could, but I don't want to. So I hope I'm making it hard for you to walk away from me.

Sometimes I don't know how to talk to you.

...

If I have to.

I wonder...

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when their right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
— Marilyn Monroe

I'm feeling adventurous!

So, my dog, Abbey knocked down the trashcan in the kitchen for the 5th time this summer. It kinda sucks since I wake up early and I end up having to clean up the mess. Other than that, I'm just rotting in my room, watching movies and listening to music. Life is pretty swell in a kind of boring way.

Oh.

I don't know what to think anymore. I feel like I've let go of too much. Maybe it's for the best... since I won't be around anyway.

for you.

I'll put on a pretty face, flash a fake smile,
pretend I'm okay, just to make you happy, even for a while.

anything?

I'm not the 'living for the moment' type of person. I'm more of the over-analyzing, self-conscious type of person. I feel like I'm not allowed to make mistakes. I always have to look behind my back to make sure I took the right steps, choices, decisions. There's no room for mistakes. There's only room for perfection. I have to be perfect. I have to pretend I'm perfect. If I'm not perfect, I'm not anything.

Fond Farwell

I don't think I could have asked for any better friends than the ones that I have now because they're the ones that keep me sane every second of the day. Some of you I've known since first grade, while others I've met only last year. The years we've had together is nothing compared to the amount of precious moments we've had with each other. I won't forget any of you because you've all impacted my life enough for me to feel even a tinge of emptiness every single time we don't talk or see each other. I know after graduation, everything will be different, but hopefully our friendships will continue to stay strong. Each and everyone one of you made my senior year — no, my entire high school years wonderful, and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. Thank you for simply being there for me.

Please, slow down World.

Life's moving too fast, and I can't seem to catch up anymore. Please, slow down World.

the fear.

Sometimes I'm afraid to leave. I have this horrible feeling that when I leave, every thing's going to change. I'll come back, but there won't be anything to come home to. I'll probably try searching for everyone that I once knew and had in my life, but it won't be the same. Maybe I won't be recognizable, or possibly people won't remember me. Maybe I'll be just someone of the past, and nothing of the present or future. I think the worst part is, I'm afraid I won't matter anymore.

So you ask me,

are you afraid?

Yes, yes I am.

& I get so tired.

I'm done. I'm not going to care anymore.
If you don't appreciate me, that's your loss.

& I'll pretend it's 11:11 every minute of the day

It'd be nice if I could keep all of my favorite people and still be as close with them in the future as I am today because I have a strong feeling that I won't be able to live a single day without them in my life.

the things I hate

I know it's wrong, but I can't help but feel a bit tired of life.

But everybody's changing, and I don't feel the same.

fallen

you always hurt my feelings, and I'm tired of caring.

Hi, Lady.

So, today the Marsupial ( Tracy ) surprised me with Tablo's book, Pieces of You! I've been wanting to buy the book for a month or so, and I guess the Marsupial remembered me mentioning it, and she bought it for me :D & she wrote me a little message in a polar bear card because she knows I love polar bears.

Hey lady, I know you're reading this entry because you like stalking me and checking up on me ( what a freak, what a freak), so I just want to let you know that it really meant a lot to me. I know I'm probably the meanest person to you, but it doesn't mean that I care any less for you. I appreciate every little thing that you do for me. You are wonderful, LADY :D & don't worry! When I'm gone, I'll still keep you sane. You better answer my calls when I call you -_x I don't like our little phone-tag games.

is this it?

What am I supposed to do when you give up on me?


- - -


You're my friend. You're not supposed to make me choose between you and another friend. It's like saying, "If you had to save one person, would it be your mom or your dad?" It's not fair. I won't choose. I'd rather die saving both than losing one.



- - -



You feel better, but I feel like dying inside. Even though I'm talking to you right now, I can't tell you how I really feel.


- - -


& sometimes I wish life would go back to the way it used to be. I feel like I'm losing everyone, one day at a time.

What'll happen after?

Well, you'll forget me, and I'll be nothing but a memory.

one day at a time.

one day at a time is all we need.

don't forget me.

hello friend,
It doesn't really matter which friend I'm talking about, because in the end, there are only a few people who I'd call a true friend, and you know who you are. So this year is ending fast, and I haven't said everything that I wanted to say nor have I don't everything that I wanted to do. When high school ends, I really do hope that you guys will still be there. And if you guys don't, I suppose I'll live, but life wouldn't be the same. I'm afraid when high school is over, whoever I was in high school will disappear and I won't be remembered.

My friend once asked me, "If someone says to you, 'don't try to forget me too fast,' what would you say?"
And I replied back saying, "well, I guess I'd say, 'I doubt I'll ever forget you.'"

It's true. Forgetting is something hard to do, and forgetting someone important is something I'd never want to do, even if i had to. Even if it doesn't seem like it, you come across my mind at least once a day and I think, "oh, I wonder what _____ is doing right now."

So, even after high school and even if we never see each other again, don't forget me. Try to remember me because I'll always remember you.

is it okay?

Best, I hate how we're not the same anymore.

This is my breaking point.

"We trusted you."

oh, inteverted world.

I think it's times when I stop trying to be happy that scare me the most.

in the end.

Sometimes I wonder, "Do I even matter anymore?"

I suppose I can pretend that I make sense in this world, but it won't make much of a difference.

You see, to you, I'm nothing more than the grades that I achieve. But I can't keep up with it anymore. I suppose I can work harder and harder, but I figured that I want more out of life than this. But this is all you expect from me. I wish you'd see past what I can do, and take notice of who I am instead. Do you know what my favorite color is? What about my interests? What about what I want? I suppose it doesn't matter. So in the end, do I matter?

the future freaks me out.

I remember when I was younger I always prayed to God that time would just freeze and everything would remain as it was. I was so afraid of growing older and moving towards the future. I liked my life as it was, being carefree, not having to deal with responsibilities and what not. I couldn't imagine myself in my late 20's, having a job, living on my own, and being independent. I still think about that thought and I still feel the same way. Though, I suppose I'm more accepting of the future now because that's life.

either or

Even when the happiness ends, I think I'll be okay.

I wish there were more hours in a day.

Sometimes I get a tad bit ahead of myself and life gets in the way of school.

Wait, that's not right. Is it?

tracy + number 1 = o____________________x

Iwas forced to change Mori to [she] because apparently, Tracy Queen over there cannot handle her name being in the same sentence with hers. Go figure -_-

x0otracy0ox (6:27:33 PM): [she] can go PRAY i dont go VIP on her and shoot her Until Whenever leaving her with her fool's only tears once i knock and sock her cause i'm strong baby, i'm number 1

x0otracy0ox (6:27:41 PM): and u rememebr that skillets, i am number 1 damn it !

thankyou

I like talking to you. You make me realize things that I deny.
It's true; I tend to block people out of my life.
But somehow you managed to stay.
Thanks for always being there for me even when I felt like letting go.

"Are you doing good?"

She asked, "Are you doing good?"
I replied back, "Yeah." Please accept my empty lies.